U2's carbon footprint solved! Rap & Quacks

< Originally written in September 2009 >

Fellow music fans,

I am sure many of you are aware of U2's 360 Tour environmental impact and the embarrassing press it has generated: http://www.civilianism.com/futurism/?p=2097 As I go to my first "big show" in years tonight it got me thinking about their problem....and the looming disaster that Big-Bands pose to the future of music and the planet.

Seeing as Bono has been losing sleep at night wondering how to reduce the bands footprint. I've devised a simple scheme to reduce it while leveling the playing field for smaller bands and raising "revenue" for struggling small bands around the world to combat those evil, environmentally hazardous, profit-maximizing Big-Bands! (while simultaneously subsidizing really bad music that no one wants to hear or wouldn't otherwise be supported in a "free-market")

I call it: Rap & Quacks

First we start by issuing a carbon "credit" to all bands in the world. This credit would be distributed evenly. To qualify as a "band" one would need to have: a harmonious making instrument and at least one single member. Think of all the new "bands" this could produce!! Big-Bands that toured or used jets instead of buses could buy credits from smaller bands. This would allow Big-Bands to continue to pollute while giving more money to those smaller bands to produce better quality music at a lower carbon footprint. This might even spur innovative ideas that Big-Bands could use to further reduce their carbon output!! (like not touring maybe?)

Music is borderless. Therefore, an international quasi-governmental organization, such as the fair and incorruptible United Nations, would have to issue the credits and would be responsible for administering the program and distributing the booty <ahem> I mean revenue. This would give countries that produce little/no music, like Micronesia, an equal say in the matter (sorry Micronesians, but I haven't heard any great hits out of y'all lately) Oh and since these Big-Bands already make GOBS and GOBS of cash (I paid $130 for my ticket tonight and that's one of the "cheaper" ones) I am certain they wouldn't pass off the tax to their fans in the form of higher ticket prices. That would be unconscionable.

MAGNIFICENT!